Author: Mark Guthrie

“Must feed the cattle.” Brenda de la Rue, Dave Starling’s boss’s boss was mumbling to herself in the lift. “I’m sorry?” Justina Goose thought the comment might be important and felt the need to respond. “What do you want?” snapped Brenda. “You said something. I thought it might be directed at me. Never mind.” “I…Read More

Brenda de la Rue was in the office of the CIO, Rupert Onion, discussing strategy. Only, since he was trendy and didn’t have an office, they were actually sitting at a hot-desk on level 17 surrounded by people who were pretending not to listen in to their conversation. “Sum it for me Brend, low deets,…Read More

Dave Starling, IT Manager, realised that he was in a hole. Despite the presence of Barry McGuigan, moron developer, who’s only contribution to the team was to ask questions that nobody wanted to answer, Dave had an issue with his bell end. His curve was very much middle heavy. If his boss, Flux Larson, ever…Read More

David Starling, IT Manager and unlikely hero of this story, felt that the monthly Operations Meeting seemed to be coming around quicker and quicker, while his development as an IT Manager wasn’t moving forward at all. He was in a meeting room again, surrounded by his peers, and waiting for Brenda de la Rue to…Read More

David Starling, IT Manager, was at his desk working on a PowerPoint presentation. He looked enviously at Chris Tackle who was sat next to him writing code with his headphones on. Just then, Flux Larson, Dave’s boss arrived. “Don’t worry about that PowerPoint, Dave. Brenda has taken us off the project.” “What?” “Yeah, she got…Read More

Barry McGuigan, possibly the worst developer ever, was more excited than usual. “The Google Cloud team are here! They are giving stuff away, does anyone want anything?” “The fucking what?” Penelope Crank, the resident crusty old mainframe developer, unusually decided to join the conversation. “Google Cloud.” confirmed Chris Tackle, who unlike Barry McGuigan actually was…Read More

Brenda de la Rue was having her monthly meeting with Fiona Foil, Head of HR. To avoid the awkward silence of meeting alone, they had both brought a group of spectators, as is common management practice, although none of the spectators had a clue what the meeting was about. Dave Starling was lucky enough to…Read More

Brenda de la Rue was sitting in a meeting room with fifteen people discussing a critical project. Apart from occasionally interrupting someone to correct their grammar, or to make statements like “Be sure to socialise this with the risk team” or “You aren’t thinking strategically enough, that’s your problem” or “This is all pie in…Read More

Flux Larson, Dave’s boss, hadn’t been seen for two days when he finally reappeared in the office, sitting at his desk with a large coffee as he surfed the internet. “Bender?” asked Barry McGuigan, pointing at Flux. “What?” replied Dave Starling, IT Manager. “Has he been on a bender?” repeated Barry. “You aren’t being any…Read More

Brenda de la Rue stood in the Auditorium, addressing the assembled crowd. Usually the lights were on, but in this case she was staring out into the gloom and without a microphone. Brenda shouted “I’ve brought you all here at 6am on a Tuesday morning because I have something very important to talk to you…Read More