Flux Larson, Dave Starling’s boss, arrived in the office later than usual at 9:30am.
Penelope Crank looked up from her desk where she had once again been saving the Amalgamated Bank from total destruction without anyone realising.
“You’re late.” Penelope stated, returning to her work.
Flux looked at his watch. “Not really, I had a bit of trouble getting in the building.”
“Sorry about that.” said Penelope.
“Did you cause that?” Flux asked.
“Yes, but I had good reason. Anyway, I don’t mean you are late today, I mean where the fuck have you been?”
Flux was a little taken aback. “I’m still the boss here Penelope.”
“I thought that was Dave Starling now? Or did I misunderstand the whole point of this thing?”
“Well, I’m some sort of management and you can’t talk to me like that.”
“You have been gone for rather a long time, even by your standards.”
“Let me explain.” Flux started out, pretty sure that he didn’t have to. “This is Australia, and here all work stops from the horse race to after Australia Day. i.e. today. I may have been a bit slack in responding to emails, but so is everyone else. It’s just how we do things in this country as you know.”
Penelope paused as she was concentrating on releasing some code to production and the fate of the whole banking industry in Australia, possibly the world, depended upon her getting it right.
“What date do you think it is Flux?” she asked.
“27th January.”
“Can you be more specific?”
“Er, not really. Do you need the time as well?”
“No, the date will do.”
Flux was confused, usually his team were supportive of him having the occassional mad drinking binge.
Penelope stood up, which she generally didn’t like to do. “Flux.” she said pointedly, “Its the 27th January 2021, you’ve been missing for two and a quarter years.”
Dave Starling got out of the lift with Justina Goose. They were both wearing face masks. I always knew there was something going on with those two but I got bored before I could develop the plot.
Chris Tackle wasn’t far behind them and dressed as a very large Storm Trooper.
Flux was still trying to get his head around where 5% of his life had gone when the three of them arrived at his pod of desks.
“Hi, Dave, I think we might be a bit behind on your appraisal.” Flux said, “And why are you wearing masks?” Then Flux spotted Chris and nodded, “Oh, nothing has changed there.
“Apparently I’ve been gone for longer than I thought this time. Usual shit or did I miss anything?”
“Usual shit.” came the voice from the Storm Trooper suit, followed by a muffled noise that seemed to come from about half way down the suit.
Just then a large video screen lit up and everyone rushed to switch it off as quickly as possible.
“What is Zoom?” Flux asked.
“Better you don’t know.” replied Justina.
“So is Brenda De La Rue still here?”
“Nope.”
“Peter Ness? Timothy Useful?”
Everyone shook their heads.
“Bruce Forceknife? Paul Settings?”
No reply.
“Don’t tell me Lars Efendic has gone too! Is Rupert Onion still CIO?”
“Long gone.”
“Who is CIO now?”
Penelope brought Flux a chair.
“Maddy Shovel.”
“Brenda’s PA?”
“Yup. We brought in a merit based system and got rid of the useless people leaving space for genuine talent to rise to the top. Maddy was a clear leader and went from PA to CIO in less than a year.”
Flux looked shocked.
“They are pulling your leg.” Penelope said, “All of those dumb cunts are still here and still do nothing.”
“How come my pass didn’t get me into the office?” Flux suddenly realised that Penelope had taken the blame for that.
“Cut you off.” She replied.
Flux shuddered, then realised she meant from work.
“I kept you on the payroll for the first couple of years but then I realised that you’d never re-appear if I didn’t cut your funding. It’s like bringing people back to life when they have been frozen in space to travel to another galaxy, best done softly. I figured this time of year was best.”
Everyone nodded.
“You are lucky.” Penelope stated.
“How come?”
“I was planning to bring you back last year… but I forgot.”
The IT Manager will return when Trump is back as President.